Look at this sweet foot...and his hands that we love so much. They are my constant companions.
When he is himself (not sick or sedated) his hands were never still ...actually his whole body was always moving...so it is very hard to see him so still from the sedation. And he loves to vocalize...he is just too quiet now. What I wouldn't give to see those brilliant blue eyes and hear is silly laugh.
I am missing my kids at home terribly...I came in here again a couple days ago when Joshua was going down on his stats. After talking to the doctor we decided I need to stick around as if he declines he could go quickly as his lungs are stiff. Despite feeling homesick and wanting to be there emotionally and physically for my other 8 children, I am thankful to be here to spend some time with Joshua. Rubbing his feet, holding his hand and his head, talking to him, praying over him, helping the nurses when I can.
Occasionally, he shows signs of waking up. They have to give him more sedative/pain medicine when this happens as it adversely affects his vitals and he could fight against the oscillating ventilator (as he starts to feel how strange it feels). But in those brief moments when he moves his eyebrows, starts moving his tongue and lips and moves his hands, it blesses me to "see" him move...like last night when the nurse cleaned him with a warm washcloth.
When my children came to see their brother yesterday, Joshua was responding to the loving he was getting (not sure if it was the loving touches, their talking to him, or both but it blessed me through my tears to see it. So glad God gave them the courage to come and love on him. It is not easy to see their happy, petite brother still and very swollen. Yesterday especially they knew how very critical he is so even my joyful little girls were somber. They know that if the Lord should choose to take him, that Joshua will be in Paradise with Him and in perfect peace. Still it is hard to imagine and we hope and pray. We are grateful for the prayers and love extended to us on Joshua's behalf.
Joshua with all his friends
(I mean you can't go from being in a house with 8 brothers and sisters to having a hospital bed all alone!)
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