Our decision to adopt

After our meetings we were feeling like we needed a little time before we right away accepted the referrals so we decided to visit some more with them…that afternoon and in the morning. In order to get the process going we needed to decide pretty quickly since it would affect when we could have our court and then get home to our children we are separated from. So we decided to take a little more time to pray and talk about it, as John already posted. It was so very difficult! I cried from the many emotions I had. I also was homesick for our kids, for our “normal” way of life in the US and what is familiar, in addition to being very tired! After getting naps and then a nights sleep we talked more and went to visit again in the morning.

John and I went over and over it. There are many reasons we could choose to not adopt Taras…he is more impaired than we’d even thought, he needs a lot of care, we have a lot of kids to parent, we would also have 2 kids with Downs and a baby, it would affect all our family and we’d need to alter some things , like it would be even harder to go out much, he and our Downs kids will need life long care, etc. The thing that was the biggest block for me was that he didn’t appear to specifically respond to verbal/visual interaction.

But when we really thought about it and what God seemed to put on our hearts was that while these were practical implications, they weren’t everything. Taras has value even though he acts differently than “normal” and even though he doesn’t respond the way I want him too. He has value because he is a person made in God’s image. We’d been challenged by a sermon a while back (before adoption…look up Norm Wakefield) who talked about how he learned –through his daughter who was born with Down Syndrome—that God’s kind of love differs from our selfish kind of love which seeks to get something for self. God’s kind of love gives without expecting anything in return, and that the true value of a person is not what you get from them (ie. Smiles, hugs, performance) but what they draw out of you (LOVE).

I thought about that a lot… when we adopted Sean I had similar feelings of being overwhelmed and he was different from what I’d expected. I thought he’d be really sweet, lovable, affectionate…well, he was initially very active and into everything, headstrong and didn’t smile all that much and complains very easily!. But, God has given all of us an ever growing love for Sean and has taught us so much and he is a valued member of our family…but it wasn’t instant love like it seems to be for some and honestly for me it was harder than when I’ve given birth to a newborn. (by the way, he can also be very affectionate and does give much to each of us!)

While maybe we couldn’t “get” as much—at least initially from Sean and we had to learn to give love, for Taras it is even more profound. He won’t smile when we smile necessarily or look when we call his name. He will need a lot of care.
It would be easy to leave him justified by our many reasons. But, I guess the bottom line is, that John and I did not have peace about leaving him. We know what would happen to him if he is not adopted. He turned 4 in May. In September he would be due to be moved to the institution for disabled children where he would likely lay in a crib the rest of his life with bare minimum care. Even though they appear to care about him a lot here, he already has bedsores. I can’t imagine at an institution how worse it would be. We’ve read about those places and its beyond comprehension that these places exist but they do.

We also believe that God led us to Taras for a reason that maybe we don’t fully understand right now. First he’d gotten confused with another boy we’d looked into (who was adopted), we’d learned he was available, we’d prayed for abundant provision if the Lord willed us to bring 2 home—which he provided, giving us the means to do it. Our children love Taras and even knowing his disabilities (as best they can) they love him and want to welcome him into our family. While some may call them naïve, I believe it is precious and the work of a loving God. They have faith unblemished by “implications” and worries of an adult. They see a boy needing love and want to love him. They see a disabled boy as lovable and deserving of a mommy and daddy just as they are. They teach me so much.

I struggled a lot knowing that a lot of my objections were selfish. I wish I didn’t think like that and could just instantly love someone the way God does—without conditions, but I don’t and I can’t but I know who can. John and I know that we can not do it on our own. We know we will need to rely fully on our Heavenly Father and that He is sufficient. I wish I could remember the verse but the Bible says that His grace is sufficient for us for when we are weak, He is strong and His strength is perfected in our weakness. I think God is teaching us more about His kind of love. If Taras needs a lot of care does that make him not worthy of being in our family? Is he not just as deserving of being loved and knowing the love of God? We think he is.

John and I have noticed that he likes being held and shown attention so in that way he does respond …and he would keep looking up at John’s face when he held him. It is clear that he too needs love. So, we will do what we set out to do! We know that some people may not understand –or may have made a different decision—but this is what God has led us to do and we really had peace about it today. Ofcourse, nothing is final until we get the court approval, but if the Lord grants us that approval in court, we will bring both Taras and Lily home.

Thanks for praying  And if you read that whole post, God bless you! That was long ! Please continue to pray that we will learn more of Taras and Lusa’s needs an
and give us the ability to meet them.